Is this proper English?

If not, could anyone fix these?


===================================


I can't see myself and my future.


I'm a very little larva.


My skin gets chapped and shed again and again.


I'm a pupa covered with scratches.


When winter comes, I may get into trouble.


When spring comes, I fly to find my dream.


Spreading my wings, I will fly in the world freely.


Singing and dancing, I'm a beautiful butterfly.


I fly avoiding webs.


I fly to find flowers.


I fly avoiding mantis.


I'm a messenger that delivers flowers' love.

Is this proper English?
My skin gets chapped and sheds again and again.


I fly, avoiding webs.


I fly, avoiding Mantis.





If this is a poem, you don't need the commas probably. You can capitalize mantis or say "the mantis." However, with poetry, you are allowed to be grammatically incorrect at times.


Otherwise, everything looks grammatically correct.





Hope this helps.
Reply:The additions are added in parethesis :)





I can't see myself and my future.


I'm a very little larva.


My skin gets chapped and shed(s) again and again.


I'm a pupa covered with scratches.


When winter comes, I may get into trouble.


When spring comes, I fly to find my dream.


Spreading my wings, I will fly in the world freely.


Singing and dancing, I'm a beautiful butterfly.


I fly(,) avoiding webs.


I fly to find flowers.


I fly(,) avoiding mantis.


I'm a messenger that delivers flowers' love.
Reply:It's OK to just leave it as it is. There is no proper English police when it comes to writing expressions, unless it's a formal letter to the president or your English teacher. Keep writing.................. It's all good
Reply:Let me put it this way. I see nothing incorrect in what you've posted. Proper means that it's acceptable in public use and formal situations. I see nothing here that isn't proper. Therefore, what you've posted is both correctly written and appears to be proper.
Reply:well, individually the sentences don't look wrong but collectively they don't sound really great to tell you the truth...





sorry but I'm not really great at "poetry" to correct these!





but one thing I'd like to say is that whatever you have typed sounds REALLY mechanical and doesn't seem to have enough "life" in it.





it sort of sounds like the "messenger that delivers flowers' love" is currently sick of its job and is lamenting about its useless life





hope you get what i mean (and I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or anything)
Reply:The grammar seems right. Don't know about the punctuations.
Reply:i am no expert on the language. what most people mean by "Proper English" is England, the book or the Queens English. its a lot different then good old North American English.





it sounds good to me.



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